Father John Series #4

Chapter 4

Context of Chapter Four

This is most relevant point about the third position. And that is, if you play the role of the third position, it is as if you are invisible. Consequently we rarely recognize the importance of this role and the people who play it.

            In this story I link the third position to feminism. I do believe that women often play this role in families, businesses and in institutions like the church. I also believe that women are often not given credit for the kind of work, when it is important and difficult work.

Father John: Making the Invisible Visible

Today Bob was expecting Father John. There was one empty chair waiting for him among the other four piled high with papers.

            Father John entered, greeted Bob, and found the chair.

            “I am really confused,” he began.

            “Why are you confused?” Bob asked.

            “I had a conversation with one of my parishioners, Maria Rodriguez. She is a very determined person. She is studying theology in Divinity School. She wants to be a deacon in our church. Maria came to me yesterday. And here is what she said:

‘Father I know I can’t be a priest, but I want to be a deacon. I could conduct services when you are away. I could minister to other congregations that do not have a priest. I could do everything that you can do except serve the sacraments.’ I said, ‘why don’t you serve your faith working with the children. You would be more accepted in that role and we need help in the school.’

‘I thought you would say something like that,’ she almost yelled. ‘You are not the first and you won’t be the last. I’m not giving up.’

                        ‘What are you talking about?’ I asked.

            ‘The prejudice against women in the Catholic Church,’ she said. ‘I thought you might be different, but you are just like Pope John Paul.’

            ‘What about Pope John Paul,’ I asked. ‘Which one are you talking about the first or the second?’

            ‘The second, the Polish pope,’ she said, ‘that one. He just died. You know who I mean. His mother died when he was young. His sister died when he was an infant. He idealized women.’

            ‘What’s the problem with that?’ I wondered.

            ‘In the Catholic Church women are either holy or whores. We are pure and delicate as a virgin to be protected from the sin of the world. Or we are the

Delilah’s who seduced Sampson to betray his people. Some of us, maybe most of us, don’t want to be put on a pedestal. None of us want to be seen as evil seducers. We want, I want to be a player. I want to speak out. I joined your volunteer group to ride with police. In fact most of your volunteers were women. Who is it that organized the church for Holy Week? Who recruited the children for the choir? Who led the choir? Who played the organ? Who keeps the books for the church? Who organized the church pledge campaign? Who runs the school? Who really does the business of the church? I’ll tell you who, women plus you, one man. Women do the church work. Men sometimes show up. And we are supposed to be happy about that. We women are to be kept away from the difficult work that requires thinking, like writing and delivering the Sunday sermon.

            ‘You men want to tell us what to do with our bodies. No birth control pills. Sex only for procreation. We are holy when we are barefoot and pregnant and whores when were not. You want to control our bodies. Tell us what to do when we are young and pregnant. Have your ever been pregnant?

            ‘The church will change a centuries’ old traditions like eating fish on Fridays. We can shop on the Sabbath. We don’t have to attend confession any more. All these changes, but the changes that have to do with giving women equal status in the church, changes that would respect a woman’s human rights, these changes you will not make. It’s like the church is the Taliban of Islam, threatened by women having a voice. The church is a patriarchy that is organized on the backs of women.’

            ‘I never knew you felt this way,’ I said. ‘If you feel so strongly that the Catholic Church is exploiting and oppressing women how can you remain Catholic?’

            ‘That’s what you want, isn’t it?’ she said. ‘You want to run me off. Chase out the voice of dissent. Well I’m not leaving. It’s my church too. God loves me

just as much as he does you. If I were a priest I would not be the threat to children like you are.’

            ‘What do you mean?’ I said. ‘You think I’m a threat to children?’

            ‘Perhaps not you personally,’ she said. ‘But who knows. The point is men do most of the sex abusing. The Catholic Church has a sex abuse scandal. Women rarely abuse children. Duh. It doesn’t take much to see that ordaining women as priests, making me and other women deacons, this would be a good first step.’

            ‘You still haven’t answered why you stay a Catholic,’ I asked. ‘I don’t want to silence your voice of dissent. I just want to understand what’s in it for you?’

            ‘I will not walk away,’ she answered. ‘And they will not force me to be bitter. The message of acceptance, forgiveness, and redemption belongs to me and to women just as much as it belongs to you and men. The church hierarchy doesn’t hear this message of love. As a Catholic I belong to this parish and at the same time something ancient and universal. I love the bells, the incense, the alter, the vestments and the icons. I take joy from this magnificent ritual. This same ritual is practiced all over the world. Love and gratitude is the point. The church is not just a place for baptisms, weddings and funerals.’”

“This conversation leaves me confused and upset. I am the representative of her oppression. Yet, I agree with her.”

“Looks to me like you are between a rock and a hard place,” Bob said. “Do you think she’s right?”

“Oh she’s right,” Father John said. “That’s what’s so upsetting. Women do most of the work in the church. The church lets them work, but it won’t give them a voice. I’m ashamed of what I represent to her.

            “The Bishop won’t be happy with me if I sponsor a woman as a deacon. I’m already considered radical by him. I don’t need to go further on the liberal limb.”

“But I wonder if that isn’t your job,” Bob said.

“What do you mean?” Father John asked.

“I think it’s my job as a community psychologist to help the invisible become visible and the voiceless to speak up. It’s the clinical psychologist’s job to help the unconscious become conscious.”

“I’ll bet this has something to do with the third position,” Father John offered.

“Well as a matter of fact it does,” Bob said. “Thank you for leading me into it.”

“So what does the third position have to do with it?” Father John asked.

“Remember when we talked about Vivian Paley the first grade teacher who wrote the book, You Can’t Say You Can’t Play?” Bob asked.

“Yes, I remember,” Father John said. “She saw two boys playing, ignoring a third boy who wanted to play and she made a rule that said you can’t do that. You got to pay attention to him too and let him play.”

“Yes,” Bob said. “That’s it. We can always see the two opposing in a contest. What we do not see is the third force, what I call the third position. We do not see the setting. The conflict becomes so dramatic that we do not see beyond the two powerful positions joined in the battle. One position claims to be right. It then attracts its opposite to claim to be right. The contest is joined. And that’s what we look at.”

“So what are we missing?” Father John asked.

“We are missing a third position that links these two together,” Bob said. “The third position might be the audience or the observer. It might be the contest organizers and the referees. At a football game it might be the announcer, the band or the cheerleaders. Or it might simply be the person who provided the football and the football field. The point is when there is a contest; it is easy to ignore a third position that provides the context or the setting to the competition.”

“So its your job as a community psychologist to point to a third position,” Father John said. “Is that what you are saying?”

“Yes,” Bob agreed. “The people in a third position often don’t get a voice. They do the behind the scenes work. They decorate for the party, but most times they are not allowed to dance. It is my job as a community psychologist to stop the dance and recognize the people who made it possible and if they want to dance, make room for them on the floor.

 “Then it is my job to leave and for some of those who were once invisible to take on the role I played and to continue to ensure that the people behind the scenes get recognized and have their own voice.”

“It’s your job to leave?” Father John asked.

“Yes,” Bob said. “The three positions should be natural to every setting. My job as a professional consultant is to give power and skills to others so that I am no longer needed. I don’t want to become the third position hero who comes riding in to save the day.”

“Because if you can ride in,” Father John said, “you can and will ride out.”

“That’s right,” Bob said. “And though I might help solve one problem, nothing will have changed. There was a Chinese master, Ch‘n Chen who often reminded his disciples that the sun nurtures life by giving away its light and then disappearing. And in the end in which direction does the trees and flowers grow?”

“So I should help make Marie visible to the Bishop,” Father John said. “I should sponsor her as a deacon for my church. I will do that. I will go with her to her meeting with the Bishop.”

Father John returned the next week. “How did your meeting with Maria and the Bishop go?” Bob asked.

“It was a lesson in the third position. Father John said, “Normally when I am with the Bishop it is me versus him. And there is no third position in the room with us. This time I became the third position.”

“Women often hold that role,” Bob said.

“What do you mean?” Father John said.

“They are the easily ignored Geisha,” Bob said, “who creates the setting that allows for cooperation? Women often provide the spirit or ambiance that sets the stage for discussion between the two opponents. What women often do is invisible. We do not seem to value their contribution. The teachers, the childcare workers, the nurses are often women and we do not pay them or recognize their contributions. The American West was not civilized until the women began to come there. The feminine force sitting among men seems to calm things. They decorate a room so that the senses are pleased. They serve food so that people can eat and talk together. They arrange flowers and bring nature indoors. They keep the children from crying. They understand and manage the ambiance in settings. They bring art to two opposing positions, but the opposing positions do not recognize this as a contribution. Yet when the woman brings her feminine strength the opposing males are often able to find a resolution. They do not understand that it was the woman who made the difference. It is often the value of art that serves as a third position. We need to make art a contender. We need to give women a voice. Here Maria offers herself as a means to turn over the triangle. She gets out of the civilizing third position and gets on the line with the Bishop in a contest over whether or not she will become a deacon. In this instance you may serve as the third position.

“It’s funny that you should say that,” Father John replied. “That’s sort of what happened.”

“Tell me about it,” Bob said.

“The conversation went something like this:

The Bishop began damning her with faint praise. Things like, ‘I appreciate your interest. You have worked very hard to get to this place. You have been so devoted to the church and its children. I know since you have a family and you cannot serve your church as a nun that you must feel very frustrated, but women in the church serve to make a place for men to do their part. Women cook and serve the food and bring the flowers. They take care of the children. Men tend to see that sort of work as unimportant. Men often don’t come to church. That’s why we must save the positions of prominence in the church for men. They will come if they have something important to do. Women seem to naturally feel the pull of the spiritual. It is harder to recruit men into working for the church. So,’ he said, ‘Maria you do not want to take a space that a man might have. Do you?’

‘This church is like a network of nodes and hubs’ the Bishop went on. ‘Men will only come if they can be a hub. Women are content to be a node. They serve well in that role.’

            “Boy I’ll bet that didn’t sit well with Maria,” Bob said. “I’m sure this was not funny to her.”

            “No,” Father John said. “But she was up for the challenge. She told him.

                        ‘I want to be what you call a hub. Women in the church are discouraged by the lack of a voice. They are tired of being baby factories for the church. They are tired of sitting against the wall looking pretty so men can feel comfortable as they decide for the church’s women what will happen in their sex lives and in their wombs.’

            “Then the Bishop countered by attacking her credentials. He said,

‘Maria, you know not just anybody gets to be a deacon. Desire to become a deacon is only one qualification. You must study and work.’

‘I have done that,’ Maria countered.

‘Yes but your work must inspire people to be attracted to you,’ The Bishop said. ‘If you are to be a hub in the church like Father John, people must be inspired to follow your leadership and frankly Maria your personality is a bit abrasive.’ Again the Bishop appealed to physics. He said, ‘Matter changes form. Physicists call the threshold where matter changes form from say a liquid to a solid a phase transition.  For water this threshold is 32°. To meet this requirement in the church to change status from laywoman to deacon you must have the necessary respect of your fellow parishioners. I have heard some complaints about you and I’m not sure you have met the requirements to move from a node to a hub in the church.’

Maria responded, ‘You can appeal to science and logic. But this isn’t about physics or intellectual ideas. Those academic notions are irrelevant here. You can make this an intellectual issue. Here I have 1000 signatures on a petition asking you to make me a deacon. You are right 70% of the signatures are women. Perhaps I have alienated some men. But frankly Bishop I’ve heard some criticisms of you in the Latino community. Those criticisms haven’t disqualified you to be Bishop. This isn’t about science. It is not about me. It is about whether you want to give women a voice in the church. It is whether you want to keep women poor powerless and pregnant. That’s what this is about.’

“The Bishop countered with a Bible verse ‘you know the poor ye shall always have with us. Barabási, a physicist, talks about this when he describes the 80/20 rule. He says that in any community only twenty percent of the people have eighty percent of the power. Many people are content to be a node. And many are not attractive enough to be a hub. And many people are hubs in one network and not a hub in others. Can’t you be content to be a lay leader among lay women?’

            “‘No, I can not,’ was Maria’s strong answer. She went on saying, ‘I know some people are content to be a leader in other communities. I know I am, as you are, a member of many communities, and I could choose to put some of my energy in other places. But I love the church. I treasure my faith. I think I can contribute to making the church a place of refuge for women and the poor. I feel called to this role as I’m sure you feel called to your role.

‘I have friends who are artists and want to remain at the margins of all communities. They want to have the vantage point of an observer and commentator. They do not wish to lead or direct anybody. I, myself, remember a time in my life when I had young children. I had no ambitions to do anything but care for them. I was more than content to be part of the 80 with no power. I’m in a different place now. My children are grown. I feel called to speak out for justice now. People can move in and out of ambitions for leadership. I am not committing a crime for wanting to be a deacon. You know, Bishop, you don’t own your power as a Bishop. It belongs to the Church. You will die and you can’t make a decision for the parish from the grave or you will retire and maybe Father John will become the Bishop. Power moves from person to person. No one owns the power of their office. Who knows what power or influence I might have as a deacon? Who knows how long I will serve or how long you will?’

‘The Bishop responded, ‘but the power belongs to me now. It is my decision and you cannot be a deacon without my blessing.’

‘That’s true. I can’t,’ Maria replied. ‘But holding back the voice of women is coercive power. It is power based on fear and intimidation. It is power that excludes and divides. That is not real power. It is not the power of our faith. External power imposed on people is corrupt. To use your language, I imagine a network of people where links connect to hubs because of fear. I think that the quality of these links’ are compromised. If the link to a hub connection is made because of desire or compassion or justice rather than fear or guilt, the link will be strong and long lasting. Bishop, create a place in the church for the kind of passion I represent. Make people like me a hub in the church and the church will be stronger for it. I am not afraid. I have a passion to serve.’

“Then I spoke. ‘I support Maria,’ I said, ‘but I’m tired of all this talk about power. Power gets too much attention. In the church we should not be so consumed with power. There are other values to serve. There is love. There is compassion. There is sense of community. There is the search for knowledge. There is the desire to serve. There is the Holy and the Sacred. And I could go on. All these things are more important than who has the power. Why are we spending so much energy on that word? Maria should be a deacon because we love the women of the church, because we have compassion for their suffering, because we will have a stronger community if we include her and because we will learn more if we listen to her. There is a third position here that this decision should also serve. Surely we can find another value to serve beyond power.’

‘You are right,’ the Bishop said. ‘We are falling into the Karl Marx trap. He wanted to break the 80/20 rule by spreading the wealth and power that the 20% had to the 80%. That misses the point. I have spent my life standing firm against Marxism. And here I am making the same mistake that I think Marx made.’

“I was confused by this mention of Karl Marx. I asked the Bishop. ‘What are you talking about?

“The Bishop answered. ‘These academic irrelevant ideas that Maria referred to earlier are what now force me to agree with you. I have been an opponent of communism for a long time. And my reason has always been what Father John just reminded us about. It is that we get seduced by power as if it were the only dimension that makes life valuable. And it is not. Yes, Maria wants more of it. And perhaps she should have it. But we get caught up in this power problem. Like Carl Marx, it is as if we can see only the one gold thread in a woven cloth. That gold thread has very little to do with the task of holding together the fabric. You see power or the gold thread and we forget the whole rest of the cloth. As you can tell I am reluctant to appoint a woman as a deacon in my diocese. I hate to admit it but I am moved by what you said Father John. You appealed to another value that I hold dear and that value is that life is not about power and wealth. There is a spiritual value too that I must serve. I will consider this in my prayers. Thank you Father John for helping me see the whole cloth and not just the gold thread.’”

“Wow, that was some conversation you and Maria had with the Bishop,” Bob said.

“It was,” Father John agreed.

“Is he going to allow Maria to serve as a deacon?” Bob asked.

“I’m not sure but I think so,” Father John replied.

“You did act as a third position,” Bob observed.

“Yes, I suppose I did,” Father John agreed. “It is a very different role from being a contender, my usual role. This time the triangle turned and I found myself in the role of the transcendent neutral catalyst. I had influence. If the Bishop did not accept Maria our parish would be without a deacon. And with the shortage of clergy the parish and the church would suffer because I could and would have chosen not to nominate anyone else. So the Bishop had to consider my voice, as did Maria, who would not have been there without me. So we had three equally strong voices in that conversation. Maria, the voice of change, and the Bishop, the voice of status quo, were the opponents on the line and I was the transcendent third position above the line, a new role for me. I spoke for a spiritual value beyond power.”

“There was a lot said in that conversation,” Bob said. “The Bishop is obviously well-read. I just read Barabási’s book Linked and it sounds as if the Bishop did too.”

“I don’t know what he read but he was sure pushing physics,” Father John said.

“Well the church is like any network. Barabási defines communities as networks and then he offers the laws of network.  There is the phase transition law of when a node becomes a hub. There is the law of attraction that he mentioned that requires that a hub attract a critical mass of links in order to be a hub. And there is the 80/20 law.”

“Yeah,” Father John said. “He kept talking about the 80/20 law. It gave me the creeps. That stuff about the poor ye shall always have with us. I won’t stand for that.”

“Well he and Maria did a good job of arguing that out,” Bob observed. “The Bishop stated the problem correctly. Communities and networks tend to have too many voices that are not heard from. That’s the 80%. Then he and Maria talked about why this is so. One reason is that people are members of several communities. They don’t aspire to power in all of them. Another is that some people would rather avoid power roles. They prefer to observe from the margins and comment. This is, for example, the role of the artist in a community. A third is that people have times in their lives when they want to compete for power positions in their communities and times where they would prefer to stay in the background.

“Then Maria made that great point about the quality of power. Coercive power that comes from fear is power that is intrinsically flawed and corrupt. Where power that comes from passion and inclusion is legitimate power and you wrapped it up by reminding both the Bishop and Maria that there are other important values beyond power. You made what was invisible to both of them visible. And that changed the whole tone of the dialogue and helped them see where they agreed and how each might support the other. That’s the third position at work.

“My next step,” Father John said, “After Maria becomes Deacon Maria is to get out of her way and make sure there is room on the stage for Maria’s voice to be heard.”

“That makes sense to me,” Bob said.